Friday, April 07, 2006



Limerick Blog-strip

It's true - cats do have 9 lives.


There is a fat cat they call Nelly
Who never wastes time watching tele
She once had a job
as spy for 'the Mob'

And years before that for Ned Kelly








Does this strike a chord?


An ardent young greeny named Maude

Life's essentials, she couldn't afford
In her suicide note
She quite clearly wrote
Just please recycle the cord



I h
ave found out why I am an only child.

There was a young lady called Gwen
Who wrote with her old fountain pen
"I thought that maternity
Would last for eternity
And I'll never do it again"!



Have you ever wondered who Anon was? Well, I found out that:-


There was a young poet called Swann

Whom critics would oft put upon
He said it was then
With a stroke of his pen
His cygneture changed to 'Anon


There was a young lass from Nantucket
Sold eels and fat shrimps from a bucket
One grumpy old man
Said ‘Lady you can
Just pick up your bucket - and chuck it’.


There was a young lady of Kew
Who painted her nipples bright blue
When she went to bed
Her husband saw red
Her nightie you see was see-through


A nasty old woman called Nell
Was making her way down to Hell
Saint Peter said no
I can't let you go
The Devil is feeling unwell

A fisherman fellow in Paignton
Believed he was haunted by Satan
He once made a wish
And caught lots of fish
On hooks without any bait on

There was a young hunter called Clare
Who chased a great grizzly bear
But sad was her fate
‘cause it was his mate
That ate all of Clare then and there.


Father, ab-out that Vestment

There once was a thieving old abbot
Who saw a fine gown and did grab it
But Mother Superior
Said “you’ve no career ’ere
Unless you get out of that habit.


News - Highschool graduates have boob jobs - but:-

There was a young lady called Parton
Whose beauty had something to start on
No packin or stuffin'
No stitchin' no nothin'
They just grew together with no sign of partin'.

I've often wondered why they don't use a bladder instead of that horrible wobbly jelly looking stuff that they insert under the boobs.- Yuk!!!!

A bust is a bust across every nation
In some though, enlargements could cause a sensation
But with bike-pump and air
For the admiring stare
One inflates them to suite each occassion

I suppose that here is an instance where flat tery may be a problem

But I have just heared of this young lady who really wants to stand out in a crowd:-

There is a young lass of Stalag
Who drives in her trendy red Jag
She has a small tube
Attached to each boob
And bike-pump that's in her handbag


From Totnes (Devon) to Loch Ness (Scotland)

By David Hardy

1 There was a young man of Totnes
Who went for a trip to Loch Ness
When enquired of the monster
They said 'It is gone Sir'
'Where to is anyone's guess'

2 But persistent was he from Totnes
He walked 'round the lock calling 'Ness'
And then it appeared
With bagpipes and beared
And kilt and a sporan, no less.

3 The observant young man of Totnes
Thought some of the monster a mess
He said, ‘now your kilt
Is an old throw-out quilt
Too small to fit round I would guess”

4 The monster quite sadly said ‘yes
Since my heyday I’ve had to take less
Making do with inflation
And state of the nation
Has caused me a great deal of stress’

5 So sad and concerned was the man from Totnes
He gathered great bundles of cress
‘Though how meagre your means
You must eat your greens
And I will attend to the state of your dress’.

6 He hurried away to his home in Totnes
Then talked to the mayor Robert Jes
The young man was dazed
By the money they raised
In the interests of ancient Loch Ness

7 The news very soon reached the press
Who sent out a clear S O S
With patterns illustrated
Folk sewed and created
To fill up huge wardrobes at the Totnes address

8 Containers where packed in great eagerness
And hauled all the way to Lock Ness
The wardrobes and stock
Where placed near the lock
Where Ness could appear to re-dress

9 By evening no garments had gone
Some people just thought it a con
They all crept away
But looked out next day
On a scene where the sun brightly shone

10 The garments were neatly arrayed
On hillside and headland in sunshine and shade
Where Ness could declare
What she’d love to wear
All dressed for her daily parade

11 The man from Totnes then stood on the pier
And everyone let out a cheer
He called out to Ness
Who appeared in clan dress
The message was now very clear

12 She’d appeared for the people for hundreds of years
And all she’d received were insults and jeers
No care or attention
And hardly a mention
All alone she’d shed many tears

13 The kindness of those in Totnes
Overwhelmed the great lass of Lock Ness
No longer a monster
That name had now gone sir
Replaced with quite simply, NESS

14 She laughed and she cried with delight
But suddenly went very white
Amid tears and deep sighs
She just closed her eyes
And slid to the depths out of sight

15 The man from Totnes dived into the lock
Whilst those standing ‘round were in shock
But all that arose
Were some of the clothes
A sporan, a tie and one sock

16 They lifted the two with a crane
Their bodies side by side neatly lain
On the end of the pier
Where it was quite clear
That Ness was attached to a chain

17 How it got attached is anyone’s guess
All rusted and caught in her dress
But it spelt her fate
Because of the weight
She dragged through the loch of Loch Ness

18 The man from Totnes and the monster called Ness
May one day be carved in marble no less
Her tartans will change
Each day from the range
In wardrobes that came from Totnes


There was a young lass of Ipswitch
Wasn't sure which pedal was which
The unfortunate lass
Slammed her foot on the gas
And ended her drive in the ditch

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